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Get whisked away
By Malcolm Rogers
 Malcolm Rogers goes on a different type of crawl around Ireland and finds plenty of evidence of a remarkable history of Irish brewing and distilling.
The thing about drinks tours is that they’re so easy for the organiser. If the tour is any good then the visitors will have forgotten everything the guide has said by the time it’s over - but the customer will be convinced that it was terrific experience.
Bearing this in mind, I set off on my own odyssey. In Ireland there are plenty of drink-related tours available — and I’m not just talking about stag nights in Temple Bar. From the Bushmills experience which will take you round the oldest distillery in the world (they’ve been manufacturing the cratur since 1608 and laughing all the way to the bottle bank ever since) to the almost obligatory tour of the Guinness brewery in Dublin, you can learn the intricacies of distilling and brewing, and taste some of the finest concoctions this planet has to offer.
The capital is probably the most logical place to start — although with a drinking tour, logic — as you might imagine — quickly goes out the window. The Whiskey Corner, right next door to the Irish Distillers Group, however, is quite a sedate, academic introduction of the ancient art of spirit manufacture. But then again whiskey is not, properly speaking, alcohol, but a form of instant philosophy.
Nestling in the heart of old Dublin, just one minute’s walk north of the River Liffey, the original Jameson Distillery produced the cratur from 1780s until 1966.
The tour includes a fine documentary film on the process of whiskey manufacture, including a stage by stage account of the distillation process. (But don’t try this one at home, folks! Or you’ll be getting a visit from the Customs and Excise men. It has been illegal to make poitin since 1760 when an Act of Parliament made the “unlicensed private distillation of whiskey” an offence.)
True fans will be wanting to know if you get to sample the wares — and, yes, guests are invited to sample various Irish brands and asked to compare them to varieties of Scotch and rye whiskeys. Jameson’s is well geared for the tourist market, with gift shop, restaurant, Irish whiskey bar, etc. Despite this, and even though it is no longer a functioning distillery, you still get a taste (literally) of the history of whiskey production in the south of the country.
The next stop for any true aficionado of alcohol has to be St James’ Gate in the heart of the Liberties, the very birthplace of Guinness. The brewery is located, funnily enough, at the other side of Father Mathew Bridge. This is named after Father Theobald Mathew, a.k.a. the Apostle of Temperance. Father Mathew, who died some 140 years ago, set about the seemingly impossible task of founding a total abstinence society in Ireland. His preaching against the evils of drink was all the more remarkable in that some of his close friends were distillers and brewers.
St James’ Gate is a hallowed spot in more ways than one, then, and if you haven’t been swayed by Father Mathew’s arguments you can avail yourself of one of the best pints — technically speaking — on offer anywhere. You don’t actually get to see where today’s stout is made — but in truth, there’s not much to see in a brewery. These days it’s just a collection of huge stainless steel vats, and a few lab technicians busying about with clipboards.
In the Hop Store, however, you do get a sense of the history of St James’ Gate. This is the old store house, and the smell of the hops still permeates every surface. There’s a museum featuring brewery bric-a-brac, a model cooperage (where they made the barrels) and of course posters from one of the most famous advertising campaigns of all time, the “Guinness is good for you” theme.
Ouside Dublin, there’s plenty of choice when it comes to distilleries. The midlands has the old Locke Distillery, hard by Kilbeggan, which only ceased producing the water of life in 1953.
Just half a dozen miles further on are the remains of the Tullamore Distillery, which was in operation from 1829 until 1954. This was the seat of another famous advertising campaign, targeting Tullamore Dew. “Give Every Man His Dew” really caught on — in a way that Brendan Behan’s slogan never did.
The bould Brendan was asked by Guinness to come up with an appropriate catch phrase for their product. After much personal research, and acres of scrunched up paper, Brendan produced the fruits of his work. “Guinness gets you drunk” was his suggestion (which was turned down by the company.)
Kilkenny should be on any serious drink fan’s itinerary. Smithwicks (“Are ye goin’ for a pint?”) is manufactured in the grounds of a former 13th century Franciscan Abbey a few miles outside the town. The brewery was founded long after the monks had departed, in 1710.
Guided tours are available, with instruction video and beer tasting to follow. You’ll learn things like, “A full seven per cent of the entire Irish barley crop is used in the production of Guinness.” Well, the only surprising thing I found about that statistic is how come it’s such a low percentage? The country’s awash with alcohol, so what is the other 93% of the barley used for? I think we should be told.
No matter, this is probably one of the most finest brewery visits, as the surroundings are tranquil, the staff friendly, and the beer about the best you can get anywhere.
The two most famous places in Ireland still distilling whiskey are located at opposite ends of the country. Bushmills is on the north Antrim coast about eight miles from Coleraine, some 55 miles from Belfast. This is the oldest licensed distillery in the world, given its official papers in 1608.
A tour of the premises allows you a glimpse of the magic formula of this world famous brand. They say the most important ingredient in whiskey is the water, and Bushmills water still comes from St Columb’s Rill, the tributary of the Bush on which the old stone buildings stand.
During your guided tour of the premises you’ll pick up plenty of nuggets of information — including why Irish whiskey is smoother than Scotch. Scottish whisky (without an ‘e’ apparently) goes through the distillation process twice; Irish whiskey is triple distilled. The triple distilled tipple — try to say that after a double — gives Irish whiskey a smoother taste.
The other factor in the distinctive Irish taste is that it is a combination of a single malt and a single grain — Scottish whiskies are blended. During my visit to Bushmills I was shown another reason for the distinctive Bushmills taste — the long rows of Oloroso sherry casks where the drink is aged: some limited editions are aged there for a quarter of a century.
Down at the other end of the country lies Midleton, where the likes of Jameson, Power’s and Paddy are manufactured. The old distillery, which now houses the John Jameson Heritage Centre, was formerly a textiles factory, and before that an army barracks. But the three Murphy brothers saw the potential of the place, opened a distillery in 1825, and whiskey has been manufactured there ever since.
Now, Bushmills may be the oldest distillery in the world, but Midleton has almost as good a boast: it owns the largest pot still in the world — a huge copper testament to Irish whiskey production and consumption.
Of course there are those who believe Ireland is too fond of the cratur and the craic, the society too enamoured with porter and pubs. With that in mind I suppose in this concluding paragraph it falls on me to issue a health warning. And you could do a lot worse than take the following words to heart. They come from “In Praise Of Drunkenness” by Boniface Oinophilus (published in 1812, but you should still be able to get a copy from your local library), which contains some invaluable advice in the chapter entitled DRUNK, RULES FOR GETTING: It says: (1) Not too often; (2) In good company; (3) With good porter.
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