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Tragic cloud’s silver lining  VERY
seldom in the reportage of sports is it considered poor taste to describe
events such as a mis-hit shot that deflects off the wayward arse of a
centre-half and into the corner of the net as a tragedy or as a disaster.
Hell, if the unfortunate goal were to happen in stoppage time and to a
well-known team then it could well be elevated to catastrophe status with
assorted musings on the side of the cruelty of fate and the fragility
of hope as the documenters of destiny in the press box put some context
on events — you know, educate the poor misinformed reader who previously
thought disasters involved volcanoes, aeroplanes, tsunamis; the kind of
things that Tom Cruise alone can save us from.
Yes, we sports hacks aren’t always in the same postcode as perspective
but this time a bold new level of woe has been mined over the Cork hurling
and football teams deciding not to take part in this year’s Championships.
By now you will know why they’re not playing and why this is a black,
black day for the GAA and for the wider community known as humanity. So
rather than dwell on the catastrophic elements of this affair, we thought
we’d offer up some of the good things that may emerge from The Strike.
It’s an ill wind and all that….
1. Does anybody else not think this is all a bit exciting? No, come on.
It’s kept us entertained all the way through the close-season and
now the games have started back up again Cork is still the only thing
people are talking about. What we always knew in Cork has been proved:
Everyone is fascinated by, nay can’t live without, us. Michael Collins,
Tom Barry, Christy Ring, Jack Lynch, Roy Keane, Terrence from the Gerry
Ryan show — Ireland wouldn’t even exist as a sovereign nation
without Cork.
2. But that doesn’t necessarily mean Cork still wouldn’t
exist without Ireland. The Rebels march to the rhythm of their own drum.
Life will go on in the Deep South without All-Irelands for a year; club
games will be played on time and will include all the best players. Unless…
3. It’s an indisputable fact that Cork people are the best at everything
and downing hurls may give some of the stellar names a chance to bless
other sports with their gifts. For many years we’ve been told how
Munster and Ireland need to find some back-up at tight-head for John Hayes.
Step forward The Rock, or should that be The Prop? And can you imagine,
trying to stop Séan Óg in full flight? Put him in at No.
8 and watch him go. Apparently he played a bit of Rugby League in his
early Sydney days.
4. There’s lots of talk of Cork’s big corporate sponsors
(who aren’t so hot at providing a decent signal in my home six miles
from Patrick Street) not being happy at the state of play. This pleases
me. Let them blue sky think out of the box of another opportunity to leverage
their brand, moving forward.
5. It might give Waterford the chance to finally win the hurling. Like
most human beings with an ounce of compassion I feel desperately sorry
for the Decies. They were born a few miles east of God’s chosen
county and have spent lifetimes gazing wistfully across the bridge at
the glistening jewel of Cork’s Gold Coast that is Youghal and all
the splendour that lies to her West.
We have several hundred All-Irelands in various grades; they may or may
not have won something before cameras were invented. Last year three games
against the superior but merciful Rebels took it out of them resulting
in a horrible defeat to Limerick who then needed all of about seven seconds
to lose the final to Kilkenny. The Cats are another group who will benefit
from our benevolence by getting a handy run at a three-in-a-row and a
record number of 31 McCarthy Cups. This, however, will be rectified by
2010.
6. Cork’s put-upon supporters will not have to travel to rip-off
central every weekend. Being the only county with teams good enough to
make the latter stages of both Championships is a strain on even the bulkiest
of wallets. So, less money to Quinns and the food bars under the Hogan
Stand serving e4 burgers with no ketchup and more money for publicans
of the other jewel of Cork’s Gold Coast, Santa Ponza.
7. Finally, above and beyond all, this could mean that the County Board
save a few quid, up to e1million, in expenses for the teams. And that’s
always a good thing. Saving money, making sure the players don’t
get too uppity, letting them know who the real important people in the
GAA are: The officers and delegates. That’s what it’s all
about. The day that changes will be a tragedy, a disaster, the greatest
catastrophe to ever befall civilisation. |
