Enjoy the Christmas spirit and
avoid the side effects
Christmas means parties, alcohol — and frequently the dreaded
hangover. But do you have to suffer? Malcolm Rogers presents a guide to
minimising the pain of the morning after the night before.
THE Scythian philosopher Anacharsis — no stranger to readers of
The Irish Post I’m sure — once noted: “The vine bears
three kinds of grapes: The first of pleasure, the second of intoxication,
the third of disgust.”
Well we’re at that time of the year when we’ll all imbibe
rather too much of the third product of the vine and wake up in the morning
feeling distinctly ropey. You may think you’ve gone blind but then
realise it’s just the tip of your tongue stuck across your eye.
Anacharsis’ Observation how are ye now?
Drink, of course, means different things to different cultures worldwide.
Throughout history people have always chosen to mark significant occasions
by becoming intoxicated and few, if any, alcoholic beverages are ‘socially
neutral’. Alcohol is used as an identification symbol and for constructing
and nurturing communities and personal relationships. In Ireland everybody
gets drunk when you’re born, when you get married and when you die.
And on a good few other intervening occasions as well. A hangover is just
the price you have to pay for all that social cohesion.
In the US and most European countries champagne is the drink of celebration,
in Ireland Guinness is seen as the drink of national identity and whiskey
performs a similar role in Scotland. In Austria sekt schnapps is kept
for intimate occasions and in France white wine is served before red,
while brandy and digestifs are served only at the end of the meal. Regrettably
the darker the drink the worse the hangover. So the usual Irish supper
of a few pints of Guinness, a couple of glasses of red wine, a snifter
or two of whiskey and a few onion sandwiches is likely to leave you feeling
a bit under the weather.
Among Hungarian Gypsies equally strict rules apply to brandy (although
no onion sandwiches). It should only be consumed first thing in the morning,
during the night at a wake or by women prior to a rubbish-scavenging trip.
It is regarded as highly inappropriate to drink brandy outside these specific
contexts.
In Ireland however you can drink brandy any time you want, collecting
rubbish or not. But sadly it falls into the same category as whiskey and
red wine — a harbinger of a hangover.
Funnily enough there is no specific word for ‘hangover’ in
Italian — although it’s interesting to note that the word
‘fiasco’ comes from the Italian for a bottle which won’t
stand up straight. But whether they have a word for hangover or no, the
temples of doom will still descend on Italian heads if too much wine is
consumed.
Why is this?
Well, I’m just going to slip on my white lab coat while I explain.
A hangover, or veisalgia as we scientists call it, is multi-causal. Ethanol,
the business end of any alcoholic drink, has a dehydrating effect on the
body which causes headaches, dry mouth and lethargy. In addition dehydration
causes the brain to shrink away from the skull slightly, which is why
you’ll have a headache as well. Another thing which stokes up the
headache rather nicely is that ethanol breaks down into several mild toxins.
In other words, the body is being slowly (and slightly) poisoned. If it
didn’t have such magical effects as well, you wouldn’t touch
the stuff.
The remedies
Now what I have to tell you is going to hurt — there is very little
you can do about a hangover. The wrath of grapes is almost universally
unforgiving. Sometimes the best thing you can do is stay in bed for the
next 24 hours as the body breaks down the poison and passes it out of
the body.
However there are a few things which might mitigate the full fury of the
hangover.
- Water is your first line of defence, both before, during and after
your meeting with Corporal Guinness and Captain Bushmills. Before you
go out drink two pints (more if you can manage it) of cold water. Then,
during your drinking session, try to drink one glass of water for every
alcoholic drink. Apart from anything else, it’ll slow down your
rate of drinking.
When you get home drink another two pints of water. It’s a hard
thing to do so you’d do well to have them already poured and waiting
for you beside your bed.
- Food is another of your friends in the fight against the hangover.
Have a meal before you go out, or even better, along with your drink.
And for once say yes to sweets and chocolate — they’ll also
help in breaking down the toxic effects of the alcohol. Sugar neutralises
the nasty toxins like methanol.
- There is some scientific evidence that hair of the dog works but only in
the short term. Alcohol contains ethanol and methanol. Methanol makes
your head sore but ethanol stops it working its evil. So another drink
will delay the pain — but you’ll have to stop sometime!
- Finally the psychosomatic nature of hangovers shouldn’t be ignored
either. If people expect a hangover, they tend to feel one.
- And of course if you do wake up without a hangover you’ll only torture
yourself with the thought that you could have drank a few more pints.
Cheers, and mine’s a double! | 