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Mums — you can’t live without them! Herself decided
to go to Dublin for the weekend with the sister to visit the brother.
It meant that myself and the kids had a free rein for the weekend and
no manager to remind us of the time, the chores or the responsibilities.
“Get a routine and stick to it!” she yelled as she left the
house.
We waved her off knowing that there was now no-one to arrange our lives.
We could eat, drink and sleep when we liked and we were going to show
herself that we could cope without her.
After school we had a meeting and re-read the letter she’d left.
No junk food was the first item on the list.
I laughed as I would never dream of giving them junk food.
I looked in the fridge and noted all the fresh food that had been left
for us.
I figured that even my limited cookery skills would be able to rustle
up a hearty meal with potatoes, carrots and courgettes.
I have often watched cookery programmes on TV and thought that I could
easily knock-up a meal that Jamie Oliver would be proud of.
I even thought I would be able to make some cakes for them when they came
in from school.
I had to be out by seven and as they don’t get home until 4.30pm
the time just flew.
We had a chat about school and then watched a holiday video from when
they were little.
The four of us laughed at our antics.
It was a great evening until son number one told me: “You have to
be out of here in 20 minutes!”
I felt my heart stop.
Twenty minutes and we hadn’t even been fed.
Well there was no time for me to start chopping and peeling vegetables.
So we agreed that a kebab would be in order.
I know that herself had insisted that we had only fresh food but a kebab
is actually grilled meat and salad.
I figured it would be acceptable and the kids agreed.
We sat eating whilst looking at the list and I saw that at item two it
would be an early night.
Well I knew that I would be back at the babysitters at 11pm so we would
all be tucked up 15 minutes later.
Unfortunately the gig overran and by the time I arrived to pick the kids
up it was nearly midnight.
Well we got home and I decided we needed a blackjack competition, especially
as son number two had beaten me last month and I needed to teach him a
lesson.
Well at about three in the morning the Princess announced: “I am
only 10 and should be in bed!”
So we all went off to the land of nod.
As we passed the fridge I couldn’t help notice the sign saying:
‘Bed no later than 10 o’clock’. Well if she had wanted
us to know then surely she could have put the sign somewhere more prominent.
On the Saturday we thought about getting the school clothes ready for
Monday morning but unfortunately the sun was shining and we decided to
play cricket in the garden.
I was nearly late for my gig as I dropped the kids at a mate’s house
for the evening.
They were collected and in bed before midnight although we managed to
sleep through going to Mass on the Sunday morning.
The fresh food in the fridge was by now looking a little worse for wear
so I figured a good pub lunch was in order before a good old-fashioned
film and a sleep on the couch passed us into Sunday night.
At about eight o’clock the Princess mentioned a preference for pineapple
in her packed lunch. Pineapple?
Packed lunch?
Son number two then asked if his science overalls were ready for Monday
morning.
Number one mentioned something about a sports kit and clean uniforms.
It turned into one of the most frantic evenings ever as we put stuff into
washing machines. Thank God for Mehmet’s 24-hour shop.
“Mummy usually has all this sorted out by now,” announced
the Princess as I sprinted around. By the time I got into bed motherhood
had me exhausted.
The next day the Princess, suggesting I get up as we were half-an-hour
behind schedule, awakened me.
She handed me toast and gave me the car keys.
On entering the living room I discovered that my gorgeous beautiful boys
had turned into grizzly bears as I shouted continuously: “C’mon
five minutes to go!”
They had no idea where the schoolbooks were, couldn’t find bus passes
and seemed to have lost their shoes.
The Princess calmly walked around handing us what we needed.
We hurtled along the school run trying to avoid speed cameras.
“Good job mummy is back tomorrow and things will be back to normal,”
said son number two. I told him to be quiet and carry on getting dressed
in the car as we arrived at the school.
I thought the house had been burgled as I arrived home before realising
that it looked as it did when we left.
I spent all morning getting it back to normal before collapsing on the
couch.
Herself breezed in and noted how tidy it all was.
“It is all a case of having a routine,” said I lying through
my teeth.
There was a brief moment of tension when she opened the fridge.
“You ate the veg then?” she shouted.
Luckily the boys had remembered to throw the veg in the recycling bin.
If we had remembered not to put the fast food wrappers in the bin we might
have gotten away with it.
Ah well.
Standing up in front of an audience may be considered a hard job but believe
me it comes nowhere near being as tough as trying to replace a mum. |
