| Slippery slope to master
 They
say you’re never too old to learn. But as he nears 60 is skiing
a step too far for The Irish Post’s MALCOLM ROGERS? Apparently not!
As my old school teacher used to say: Find out what you don’t do well.
And then don’t do it.
That’s roughly been my position vis-a-vis sport this last half
century or so. Which is probably why I haven’t ventured on the piste
before now. I’m now 57 1/2 I’m only mentioning my age because
everybody said that learning to ski was impossible for the chronologically
challenged. However I’m back on dry land and here to tell you they
were wrong.
Maybe it was a long day at the Austrian Tourist Board. Perhaps after an
overly generous lunch, just as the final round of schnapps was downed, someone
suggested with a loud guffaw that it might be a fun idea to see if a couple
of old hacks could be taught to ski.
And so it was that myself and Mike Cowton, editor of the British magazine
Outdoor Pursuits, headed for the Alpine village of Dienten some 3,000ft
up in the Hochkönigs Wintereich region in the heart of Salzburgland.
Were we to be successful in our mission some 114 years would soon be advancing
together downhill on precariously thin pieces of wood. For some reason Dave
Barry’s ominous words rang through my head: Skiing combines outdoor
fun with knocking down trees with your face.
Sloping off
A tanned, handsome and as it turned out endlessly patient instructor called
Patrik Meixner met us. An auspicious name and indeed Patrik did have Irish
connections. In medieval times the Meixners had journeyed to Austria bringing
the name Patrik with them. The first-born of the family has been blessed
with the Apostle of Ireland’s name since 1200.
Patrik’s sinewy elegance on the slopes however is emphatically Alpine.
His TOP Ski School (tel: 00 43 650 55 79 259) offers an encouraging deal
— if you fail to learn to ski you get your money back.
It seemed worth a go. And who knew what else might happen. I need hardly
remind you that Dr Klaus Martens of Munich developed his famous Doc Martens
boot after a skiing accident in 1945.
Day One brought a crisis of confidence for myself and Mike and we hadn’t
even left the nursery slopes.
Sprawled in the snow in a purple-faced, hyper-ventilating tangle we came
close to having a very early, permanent apres-ski. But employing a method
which bordered on sorcery by the day’s end Patrik had us upright
on our skis and negotiating the bunny slope.
On day two after another major crisis largely caused by my cowardice
in the face of the enemy (my skis) Patrik achieved a miracle. He persuaded
us that it might be a reasonably sane idea to ascend to some 4,000ft via
ski-tow then somehow make our way downhill.
A daunting enough prospect but halfway up I spotted Mike lying in the
snow after having fallen off. This was distinctly unsettling. I watched
fearfully as my companion was helped to his feet by a passing skier who
commented: “Ah, you English.”
Which was actually a bit unfair as the first-ever tourist in the area
— after the First World War was an Englishman who had hiked 10 miles
from the nearest train station.
It’s all downhill from here
That intrepid first visitor carried his ski gear all the way on foot.
We, however, only had to cross the road from our hotel Die Ubergossenne
Alm to arrive on the slopes.
Despite this proximity I usually had enough time to dream up a whole battery
of new mistakes. But for every new blunder I conjured out of the very
thin air Patrik had a solution.
Slowly technique was added to confidence and suddenly it clicked.
A silent mountain epiphany occurred. I was skiing.
I glided down the piste confidently passing the point where I could get
my money back.
I was easing myself into turns while looking deep down into the Alpine
valley then traversing across the powder with my skis parallel and steady.
I could almost hear the Ski Sunday theme music reverberating in my ears.
Hochkönigs Wintereich is a friendly place with a noted lack of Prada-clad
skiers. Nobody seemed bothered that an Irishman dressed in jeans and pullover
was bumbling about on the slopes with his English mate — indeed
other guests (largely Austrian and German) would stop by our breakfast
table in the morning and compliment us on our progress. A definite feeling
of cheering us on had spread throughout the hotel.
In five days we had advanced from nursery slopes to beginners’
gradients and thence to blue runs. Soon we could begin discovering some
150 kilometres of runs in the immediate area. Next time over Patrik said
we would be ready for red runs before heading for black runs apparently
the ultimate laxative.
Natural highs
Had the Swiss designed the Alps it’s said they probably wouldn’t
have come up with anything quite so outre. The sober citizens of Switzerland
probably would have preferred something a bit more conservative —
maybe along the lines of the Leitrim Hills.
Austrians on the other hand being a much more exuberant people revel in
being surrounded by such geological behemoths. And in the unlikely event
of your not learning to ski you’ll still find ample diversion in
this extravaganza of nature.
Jagged, raw peaks tower on either side of Dienten a village which looks
as if it has just fallen out of a Hansel and Gretel fairytale. Hochkönig
(just under 10,000 feet) can be climbed in about six hours and you’ll
be guaranteed views of the type to make atheists reconsider.
More modest walks are available and when Hochkönig takes its winter
overcoat off some 250km of clearly marked hiking paths offer idyllic walking.
Myrtle, juniper and rowan spill into deep glades alongside babbling brooks.
These routes were made for walking. Lower down pastures alternate with
coniferous woodland ideal and in spring the sky is as blue as the gentians
which carpet the meadows.
You’ll see red deer slinking away into the forest and if you’re
really lucky at the edge of the tree-line you might just spot a chamois.
Prized as a culinary speciality chamois meat is said to be the most tender
available. And I suppose you’ve a ready-made cloth to do the washing
up with later.
Dashing and dining in Dienten
Just outside the village of Dienten a floodlit toboggan run snakes down
the side of the hill overlooking the 500-year-old Catholic church of St.
Nikolaus. And if that’s enough adrenalin for one day there’s
a curling rink in the shadow of the church just think housework on ice.
Although dedicated to ski-tourism Dienten gives the appearance of running
to a farming rhythm. There’s a hint of feudalism in the air and
you get the feeling that the year turns slowly here like a cider press.
It’s all very appealing.
The Hochkönig Mountain Kingdom is a one-stop shop for mountain activities
such as Nordic walking, biking on an extended network of cycle routes,
hillwalking, cross-country skiing and snow-shoeing. And if all that exercise
makes you peckish Dienten is amply served with restaurants.
Although Austria is one of the world’s remaining chocolate superpowers
you can also be tempted by meals of baronial proportions schnitzels and
sausages full of piggy goodness, local delicacies such as soup with cheese
dumplings and of course apple strudel. A good bottle of Austrian red will
cost you from e6 upwards and all the hotels boast cosy bars where you
can anchor yourself to a bier pump for the night.
Rest assured
Dienten’s digs range from decadent wellness hotels to B&Bs where
the pampering consists of getting second helpings with your full Austrian.
At the four-star Die Ubergossenne Alm a variety of treatments to ease
body and mind are on hand. Saunas, jacuzzis, heated outdoor pools and
massage treatments compete for your attention.
We’re now at the end of the season so you’d better be quick
if you want to ski. For the next few weeks you’ll get seven nights,
half-board, lessons, six-day ski pass, indoor tennis, squash, spa for
something in the region of e1,050 per person at Die Ubergossenne Alm tel:
00 353 43 646 1230 or log-on to www.uebergossenealm.at
Of course you can do it much more cheaply in the village you can B&B for
as little as e19.
Ski Amade which administers 860 kilometres of piste in the Salzburg region
including Dienten (tel 00 43 6452 202020 www.skiamade.com e-mail: info@skiamade.com)
is offering seven nights B&B, six-day ski pass from £196 from
this week until the end of the season.
Including ski hire and ski school you’re looking at about £340
per person.
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